still no light at the end of the tunnel

Hi there,

I'm so mad at your husband at the moment I cannot even think straight. I also suffer from chronic pain. I have fibromyalgia & osteoarthritis of the back. The pain is unbelievable. And, it is 24/7.

I do sympathize with you.

If I was close to your husband at the momet I would probably through a shoe at him. And, I'm not the type person that throw stuff. I have a few choice words for that husband of yours & non of them are 'ladylike'.

I do wish you the very best.

helleo thanks for the letter its so true.pain is somthing i understand ,doctors most time care for the money not the person thats in pain.i try my best not too take pills for pain try tomake my body except it and go on its not easy but my family needs me to take care of them .thats my job.iv been in pain sence i was13 when i was in a wreck and was wrote of as a veggie,but i was determan to prove doctors wrong,wasn t easy,know at 49 years old pain is somthing you can control up to a point my pain level threw the roof but .but without it i would be lost.doctors cant figure me out they dont understand how i deal with it.been dealing with it so long that its just part of life for me crazy huh.without the pain i would be scared.been threw alot of test and they still to this day dont understand whats going on in me.bbut i beleive your body was made to heal or deal with most things.but im no doctor ,but a person that knows real pain bye hope you get feeling better life is short so try to injoy it

Hi,

Sounds like you are in a tough and tight position. I have done a few pages here on chronic pain and issues related to chronic pain. I would encourage you to read my most recent post, which can be found on my main profile page under the box of "blogs to this post." It is listed as "events and experiences june 2009" - I think that you will really relate to what I say. I also have a page (which you may have read already) about chronic pain and options for various types of treatment, etc. I completely understand and empathize with your situation, as for the majority of my life, continuing to this day, I have struggled with getting others to "get it" - and you are right, when a person has not experienced a chronic illness or condition, whether it's with or without chronic pain, they don't understand. And, how can they? Not until they walk in the shoes of someone like us can they ever place blame, judgement, etc. Period. The hard part of this, is simply that you have to get beyond allowing others, like your husband, to tell you how you feel, what you should do, etc. You know that this is very difficult, to say the least, as people close to you, or the "authority figures," (like doctors) in your life, often believe that they know how you feel better than yourself. They don't. But not taking the crap in, is easier said than done. You have to decide who knows you better. Then you have to ask yourself some hard questions, learn how to protect yourself and set boundaries, and decide that you have the ultimate choice over what you will do to seek a better, healthier, and less painful life. It is not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination, and I am pretty sure that you already know that. But, after reading your post, I am not sure that you could be suffering more, punishing yourself more, and buying into your husband's beliefs about you and your struggles. 

I completely understand the chaotic mess that you are in, and when you are already in such pain, it is hard to do anything, let alone get out of a bad situation...as pain takes up A LOT of our energy. When your body is always trying to heal itself, your energy is zapped very quickly, and you become a very easy target for others opinions, judgements, blame and general abuse. I realize that things in relationships are much more complicated and complex than just simply leaving, but it seems that you need to start getting very honest with yourself, even if it means making plans, lists, or just writing down ideas for possibilities regarding your future. I find it very helpful to write, as you can look at many options, even if they sound impossible or ridiculous, at least you get all of what you might need to do, be able to do, etc., down on paper (or computer). List all of your options in every combination you can think of. And, when I say this, i mean everything, -relating to your marriage, your health, your pain, treatments, living arrangement options, and so on.

I don't know too much about you, but, one thing I will say is stop going to see that doctor. And, for now, no more surgeries. The doctor already messed up, do not go back, period. Doctors DO NOT have all the answers, in fact, they know less about our own bodies and what to do, than we do ourselves. Use your intuition. Surgeries are last resorts, and many doctors get "cut happy" simply because they want to experiment. And, as you likely already know all too well, one surgery may "correct" one thing, but it will always lead to another problem. -Whether it be a year down the line, a month or 10 years...our bodies are fragile and are not meant to be cut into, think about it. Yes, some operations and procedures may help matters, extend our lives, etc., but most of the time, it causes another problem(s) later. For example, like when you fuse any area of the spine (or fuse any bone for that matter) the areas above and below are compromised. Those other vertebra have to compensate for the loss of movement in the fusion, which creates deterioration and degeneration. And, please, don't buy into the cortisone injections for those areas as a "help or fix"...this only breaks down the cartilage in the vertebra and eventually there will be none left. This principal is similar to chiropractic. Some chiropractic adjustments, if done properly and prepared by heat and massages of fascia and tissue before hand, are helpful, but most, are not, and these adjustments only break down the cartilage too, which leads to more problems. Some people that see chiros. talk about how they are "addicted" to it, and need more frequent adjustments because the "high" and feel good relief lasts shorter and shorter periods of time, this is because every adjustment is very abrupt and grinds the joints, and without "pre-work warm up" the joints will very quickly go back to the "bad" position that they were in to begin with. And, like with injections, this wears down the cartilage, only making things more painful and in a more vulnerable position for future injury.

Well, for now, I will let you go. I hope that some of this info was helpful. Please know that we are all here to help one another, you included, and that we will support whatever path you take in your journey to finding solutions for your ongoing pain. Please feel free to message me, whether you have questions, comments, or just need to vent.  

Please listen to your body. Again, you know better than anyone else how you feel. For now, you will have to make your best attempt to let what your husband and others say, roll off of your back like water. Taking that abuse in is doing you no good. You need to do what is best for yourself, for your body, your mind, as well as your spirit. Unfortunately, no matter what we do, we will never be able to make everybody happy. At some point, you have to let that go, and learn to listen to your gut. Everyone has an opinion, but no one really "knows" what is best for us, other than ourselves. Even the almighty doctors. Keep the faith and take care of yourself first and foremost. Many blessings, Brenna ~"catluv"

Reply to non-stop chronic-pain:---If you have documentation of all your surgerys and are unable to work and are low income get yourself a lawyer that only does disability claims and file for SSI or SSD. But I have one burning question-WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THINKING! your husband beat you for 8 years and your still with the jerk? WHY? Why would you even want to have him in your house. I do not understand why you are still with him and the fact that you stayed with him is why your disabled and in pain--I don't get it. As far as chronic pain goes you should go to CATLUV's site, she is an aidmate because of her chronic pain and has a lot to say about. Soulight is another site to check out as well as Elaine of TSA and WhoKnew you can find tons of material on chronic pain and info on applying for social security. You must really see something in your husband that is so good that you still remain living with him. Goodluck on finding some help. sheshe030